Hello and Good Day to all my friends! For those who don't get the significance of the title - you've been living under a rock, google "an open letter to a Delhi boy" - and for those who do, well, suffice to say that this isn't as direct or angsty as that one. Not at all. This letter is a product of recent events and a realization that I needed to write something like this. Anyhow, read on.
-----------------------------DISCLAIMER -----------------------------
I've got to warn you.
Some of you know me really well, some of you know my past really well, but the two sets don't necessarily intersect. So, let me first help give you some context (cuz I'm helpful like that).
I'm not someone who's famous for her excellent choice in friends. In my pre-teen and teen years, I've hung out with rock stars (in their own rights), pot heads, victims of child abuse, feminists, womanizers, people who think they're goth (dafuq is that anyway?? What kinda bharatiya naari wears black lipstick!), and other stereotypes that would make eyes pop and eyebrows recede above hairlines. But I did a little bit of growing up in college. After moving with some of the circles in FAPS and JNC, CMRIT was the haven of normalcy that I craved (No offense to the few awesome people from the two above mentioned institutions, whome I love :) you know who you are). College was a time when I felt like I could do anything and be anybody. I felt invincible. I was always an introvert, never able to "fit-in" with any clique, and always a little bit weird. But in college, for the first time, I was unapologetic about it. In college, I met some of the people who accepted me for who I was. For a time, it was hunky dory. Things between me and my friends weren't perfect, but it was good. When it comes to me, good generally meant great. I hung out with so many different people, and there were some I felt more at-home with. Of them, there were a few I fell out of step with, but that was ok too because the ones that mattered most stood right by me. College ended on a high note, and apart from a few minor differences and rows, the relationship I had with people was great.
Then came The Company (won't say the name), and along with it, a whole new potpourri of people. Apart from a few that were familiar, I was surrounded mostly by new faces, new perspectives, new looking glasses into the world. But things were different now. I was a professional and with that, came an obligation to maintain boundaries and a certain decorum. Or so I thought. Boy was I wrong! My first 2 years at The Company could not have been more fun. Although the work wasn't particularly enjoyable, I was eager to learn new things, and established myself. And as I grew, so did my little circle of friends. At this point, I think I should describe some of the people I got close to, or in some cases, already was. I'm not going to use actual names here, so do try to keep up with the aliases. My friends in The Company consisted of the following people:
1) The Girlfriend -
No ideas folks :P my relationship with the Girlfriend is purely platonic. She and I have been really close since college. Getting to know her, I found her to be level-headed, smart and sincere. She did what she said, and said what she did. She likes to sing when she thinks nobody is listening. And she was the quintessential nice girl. That's not to say that she couldn't be mean, if she really wanted to, but she rarely did. She's charming and she knows the effect she has on people, often leveraging that :P In college, we hung out a LOT and in The Company we got on each others nerves a LOT :) But, she knows I love her. She's one of the few people I could go to for anything and everything. Be it relationship advice, fashion emergencies, or just a quick pani puri in the evening, she's always there for me, or at least, has been for the majority of the time that we've known each other. More about the Girlfriend later...
2) The Boyfriend -
Again - purely platonic :)
The Boyfriend and I had been friends since college too, although truthfully speaking, it was towards the end of the final semester that we got close. To describe The Boyfriend fairly would be a feat comparable to scaling Mt. Everest, so I'm going to give you the shortest version possible. He's an introvert of sorts. It takes time to get to know him, but he takes equally long to form opinions about people. He's smart, intelligent, moral, patient, and the adjectives go on and on. He puts the term "Down to earth" to shame, and he's the kind of guy any girl would be lucky to have, although so far, I haven't come across a single one who is deserving enough of his love. He knows exactly how to make each person feel special, and will forever be my standard on how a person should treat someone he/she cares about. He is currently doing his MBA in exotic places, and I miss him so very much..
3) The Antisocial Geekasaurus - At first, this bugger comes across as your typical Bangalorian, I-almost-got-into-IIT geek. But get to know him a little, and you'll see that he's more than just that :P He loves rock. If written skills are a turn-on, he will write your pants off. He's smart and witty, but will never admit to being either. He simply does not judge his friends for who or what they are, but accepts them as is. This is a good and a bad thing. I could tell him tomorrow, that I smuggle blood diamonds for a living and his response would be to ask me how the weather is in Africa. He's known for disappearing for weeks together and is a self-proclaimed antisocial. But, he's also one of the few people who would be genuinely interested in the tragedies of my little life and I adore him for that.
4) The BFF -
The BFF is another friend from college. Although our tastes may be different, she and I get along so well, it's scary. She would know why I chose to describe her 4th and not 1st :) We both love dogs, books and Italian food, have the same ideals and morals (although only one of us listens to her conscience :P), laugh at our own jokes, and have had Hindi-speaking boyfriends but can't speak Hindi for nuts :D She's capable of being so very compassionate. She's a bit serious sometimes and is incapable of being the butt of some jokes, but that's only because she guards her feelings. Once she lets you in, she'll love you like only she can. She's brutally honest when she needs to be, is a no-nonsense gal and she tells it like it is. She's the one I'd go to when I have problems with my other friends, because I know she won't use that as an opportunity to bitch about them. Suffice to say - she and I share a bond like no other.
5) NI1 and NI2 -
If you know what NI stands for, you should also know that I mean it fondly :) NI 1 and NI 2 are more-or-less from the same place in India. Let's just say that they both can't pronounce the word 'Dosa' correctly :P But jokes apart, they are both very nice people. One is a die-hard Iron Maiden fan, while the other can sing like nobody's listening. NI1 is a little bit older than the rest of us, so there's some of his wisdom, we're all greatful for. NI 2 is also a bit older, but can be a complete brat :P NI 1 reads voraciously, while NI 2 can tell you exactly who did what on Roadies. But don't underestimate NI 2, she's harder and stronger than all of us. About 2 years back, NI 1 headed back to the nation's capital, and it saddens me to say that since then, my contact with him has been limited to birthday phone calls, and the odd chat on gtalk or facebook. He keeps promising us a visit and we keep hoping.
So these were some of the friends in my day-to-day life until about a year back. There are many others too - The Softspoken ABAPer who's birthday I keep forgetting :P(another college friend), Tweety, Curly-haired cutie, The Threesome (sorry boys :P), and the list goes on. Also, keep in mind that I'm only referring to a certain set of people here. I have a few really old, really close friends - best friends (so to speak) - with whom I share very different relationships. But, I haven't written about them here for the sake of brevity, and because I didn't want to seem like I'm writing an anthropology thesis. As it is, I have a few more people to describe before I complete this post.
6) The Girlfriend's New Boyfriend - No comment on how platonic this is.
So, ever since I've quit and The Boyfriend left the country, this one has become the new permanent fixture in the Girlfriend's life. He and I joined The Company at the same time, and if my first impression of him hadn't changed over time, I would be giving him a very different alias here :P
The first thing you'd notice about this guy is that he's a charmer. And the dude knows it. He's generally in his comfort zone with a girl on his arm. But don't be fooled by the good looks. There's a brain underneath that too. He's also got all the insecurities of a boy, and an ego the size of Jupiter to mask it :P But, he loves dogs and is a younger brother, so some empathy votes there. He also loves Manchester United. As opposed to the Girlfriend, he can be really nice, but only if he tried. He tries so hard to instill innuendo into everything he says, that it gets hard to figure out when he's being serious. But I guess, that's the way he likes it (Some might call that juvenile :P, but hey whatever), and I've got to admit, it's fun talking to him. I like his taste in music, because I finally have someone who understands the distinction between good Indian music and the generic bull crap that Bollywood regularly dishes out. When I'm around him I constantly get the feeling that there's something I don't see. Only he can treat his friends really right and abysmally wrong at the same time. I am still in the process of figuring out what tragedy befell this creature that he treats some people the way he does. But apart from that, he's great. Always the life of the party. Always enthusiastic to try new things.
7) The Girlfriend's New Boyfriend's Boyfriend - (Phew! Say that a couple of times now :P)
This chap is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Loves to sing and sings well. The phrase "Cute and cuddly" comes to mind :P This one is yet another charmer. Ever helpful. At work, he's very dedicated (or at least, was!). He simply does not get angry. And if he does, he doesn't show it. Not at all the reactive type. He and the Boyfriend are pretty close - inseparable is the right word. He's the only guy I know who has an excellent command over Hindi and Kannada. He cannot wash his own clothes. I think he and the BFF are really similar in that I could tell them anything I want and it would be under lock down. He's a younger brother too, so added brownie points :) He's quite funny, usually at another's expense, but all he'd have to do is smile for the person's anger to melt away! On the whole, I think he is the easiest person to be around.
Phew! Ok, now that the pleasant history lesson is out of the way and you've got more context than you can handle, let me say a few things about what's been bugging me off late. Recently, one of the people in the list above gave me a wake-up call (metaphorically speaking). He/she(won't say which) was very upset, and said some things that I had known all along but didn't want to admit - about how some people in the group have been treating the others. These days, I feel like I'm stuck in a badly made Hollywood teen movie (which is all of them, save the one teen movie that I like). And, because I express myself best in bullet points, I'm going to do just that.
The Problem:
-----------------------------DISCLAIMER -----------------------------
I've got to warn you.
- This isn't a short sweet letter that gets right to the point.It doesn't seem to be of a normal length even with the damn small font and everything. So, you should probably read this when you have enough time on your hands.
- The things I've written here are only about my friends and the relationship I share with them. So don't expect to find anything else. Some of you are bound to get bored.
- To my friends - the following post is basically my perception of you put to words. So don't take it seriously, if it isn't true or if you don't want to.
Some of you know me really well, some of you know my past really well, but the two sets don't necessarily intersect. So, let me first help give you some context (cuz I'm helpful like that).
I'm not someone who's famous for her excellent choice in friends. In my pre-teen and teen years, I've hung out with rock stars (in their own rights), pot heads, victims of child abuse, feminists, womanizers, people who think they're goth (dafuq is that anyway?? What kinda bharatiya naari wears black lipstick!), and other stereotypes that would make eyes pop and eyebrows recede above hairlines. But I did a little bit of growing up in college. After moving with some of the circles in FAPS and JNC, CMRIT was the haven of normalcy that I craved (No offense to the few awesome people from the two above mentioned institutions, whome I love :) you know who you are). College was a time when I felt like I could do anything and be anybody. I felt invincible. I was always an introvert, never able to "fit-in" with any clique, and always a little bit weird. But in college, for the first time, I was unapologetic about it. In college, I met some of the people who accepted me for who I was. For a time, it was hunky dory. Things between me and my friends weren't perfect, but it was good. When it comes to me, good generally meant great. I hung out with so many different people, and there were some I felt more at-home with. Of them, there were a few I fell out of step with, but that was ok too because the ones that mattered most stood right by me. College ended on a high note, and apart from a few minor differences and rows, the relationship I had with people was great.
Then came The Company (won't say the name), and along with it, a whole new potpourri of people. Apart from a few that were familiar, I was surrounded mostly by new faces, new perspectives, new looking glasses into the world. But things were different now. I was a professional and with that, came an obligation to maintain boundaries and a certain decorum. Or so I thought. Boy was I wrong! My first 2 years at The Company could not have been more fun. Although the work wasn't particularly enjoyable, I was eager to learn new things, and established myself. And as I grew, so did my little circle of friends. At this point, I think I should describe some of the people I got close to, or in some cases, already was. I'm not going to use actual names here, so do try to keep up with the aliases. My friends in The Company consisted of the following people:
1) The Girlfriend -
No ideas folks :P my relationship with the Girlfriend is purely platonic. She and I have been really close since college. Getting to know her, I found her to be level-headed, smart and sincere. She did what she said, and said what she did. She likes to sing when she thinks nobody is listening. And she was the quintessential nice girl. That's not to say that she couldn't be mean, if she really wanted to, but she rarely did. She's charming and she knows the effect she has on people, often leveraging that :P In college, we hung out a LOT and in The Company we got on each others nerves a LOT :) But, she knows I love her. She's one of the few people I could go to for anything and everything. Be it relationship advice, fashion emergencies, or just a quick pani puri in the evening, she's always there for me, or at least, has been for the majority of the time that we've known each other. More about the Girlfriend later...
2) The Boyfriend -
Again - purely platonic :)
The Boyfriend and I had been friends since college too, although truthfully speaking, it was towards the end of the final semester that we got close. To describe The Boyfriend fairly would be a feat comparable to scaling Mt. Everest, so I'm going to give you the shortest version possible. He's an introvert of sorts. It takes time to get to know him, but he takes equally long to form opinions about people. He's smart, intelligent, moral, patient, and the adjectives go on and on. He puts the term "Down to earth" to shame, and he's the kind of guy any girl would be lucky to have, although so far, I haven't come across a single one who is deserving enough of his love. He knows exactly how to make each person feel special, and will forever be my standard on how a person should treat someone he/she cares about. He is currently doing his MBA in exotic places, and I miss him so very much..
3) The Antisocial Geekasaurus - At first, this bugger comes across as your typical Bangalorian, I-almost-got-into-IIT geek. But get to know him a little, and you'll see that he's more than just that :P He loves rock. If written skills are a turn-on, he will write your pants off. He's smart and witty, but will never admit to being either. He simply does not judge his friends for who or what they are, but accepts them as is. This is a good and a bad thing. I could tell him tomorrow, that I smuggle blood diamonds for a living and his response would be to ask me how the weather is in Africa. He's known for disappearing for weeks together and is a self-proclaimed antisocial. But, he's also one of the few people who would be genuinely interested in the tragedies of my little life and I adore him for that.
4) The BFF -
The BFF is another friend from college. Although our tastes may be different, she and I get along so well, it's scary. She would know why I chose to describe her 4th and not 1st :) We both love dogs, books and Italian food, have the same ideals and morals (although only one of us listens to her conscience :P), laugh at our own jokes, and have had Hindi-speaking boyfriends but can't speak Hindi for nuts :D She's capable of being so very compassionate. She's a bit serious sometimes and is incapable of being the butt of some jokes, but that's only because she guards her feelings. Once she lets you in, she'll love you like only she can. She's brutally honest when she needs to be, is a no-nonsense gal and she tells it like it is. She's the one I'd go to when I have problems with my other friends, because I know she won't use that as an opportunity to bitch about them. Suffice to say - she and I share a bond like no other.
5) NI1 and NI2 -
If you know what NI stands for, you should also know that I mean it fondly :) NI 1 and NI 2 are more-or-less from the same place in India. Let's just say that they both can't pronounce the word 'Dosa' correctly :P But jokes apart, they are both very nice people. One is a die-hard Iron Maiden fan, while the other can sing like nobody's listening. NI1 is a little bit older than the rest of us, so there's some of his wisdom, we're all greatful for. NI 2 is also a bit older, but can be a complete brat :P NI 1 reads voraciously, while NI 2 can tell you exactly who did what on Roadies. But don't underestimate NI 2, she's harder and stronger than all of us. About 2 years back, NI 1 headed back to the nation's capital, and it saddens me to say that since then, my contact with him has been limited to birthday phone calls, and the odd chat on gtalk or facebook. He keeps promising us a visit and we keep hoping.
So these were some of the friends in my day-to-day life until about a year back. There are many others too - The Softspoken ABAPer who's birthday I keep forgetting :P(another college friend), Tweety, Curly-haired cutie, The Threesome (sorry boys :P), and the list goes on. Also, keep in mind that I'm only referring to a certain set of people here. I have a few really old, really close friends - best friends (so to speak) - with whom I share very different relationships. But, I haven't written about them here for the sake of brevity, and because I didn't want to seem like I'm writing an anthropology thesis. As it is, I have a few more people to describe before I complete this post.
Let's skip to the present. Today, my friends circle is a bit different. Change is the only constant, so things between us has obviously changed. The Boyfriend is away doing his MBA and ever since his departure, there's been a sort of imbalance in the group. The group has grown larger, but it feels like we're more distant than ever. It's been some time since I quit The Company (and yes, I miss it), and I've been spending an increasing amount of time with newer people. And so has The Girlfriend. Ok, I suppose I better do a few more descriptions.
6) The Girlfriend's New Boyfriend - No comment on how platonic this is.
So, ever since I've quit and The Boyfriend left the country, this one has become the new permanent fixture in the Girlfriend's life. He and I joined The Company at the same time, and if my first impression of him hadn't changed over time, I would be giving him a very different alias here :P
The first thing you'd notice about this guy is that he's a charmer. And the dude knows it. He's generally in his comfort zone with a girl on his arm. But don't be fooled by the good looks. There's a brain underneath that too. He's also got all the insecurities of a boy, and an ego the size of Jupiter to mask it :P But, he loves dogs and is a younger brother, so some empathy votes there. He also loves Manchester United. As opposed to the Girlfriend, he can be really nice, but only if he tried. He tries so hard to instill innuendo into everything he says, that it gets hard to figure out when he's being serious. But I guess, that's the way he likes it (Some might call that juvenile :P, but hey whatever), and I've got to admit, it's fun talking to him. I like his taste in music, because I finally have someone who understands the distinction between good Indian music and the generic bull crap that Bollywood regularly dishes out. When I'm around him I constantly get the feeling that there's something I don't see. Only he can treat his friends really right and abysmally wrong at the same time. I am still in the process of figuring out what tragedy befell this creature that he treats some people the way he does. But apart from that, he's great. Always the life of the party. Always enthusiastic to try new things.
7) The Girlfriend's New Boyfriend's Boyfriend - (Phew! Say that a couple of times now :P)
This chap is one of the sweetest people you will ever meet. Loves to sing and sings well. The phrase "Cute and cuddly" comes to mind :P This one is yet another charmer. Ever helpful. At work, he's very dedicated (or at least, was!). He simply does not get angry. And if he does, he doesn't show it. Not at all the reactive type. He and the Boyfriend are pretty close - inseparable is the right word. He's the only guy I know who has an excellent command over Hindi and Kannada. He cannot wash his own clothes. I think he and the BFF are really similar in that I could tell them anything I want and it would be under lock down. He's a younger brother too, so added brownie points :) He's quite funny, usually at another's expense, but all he'd have to do is smile for the person's anger to melt away! On the whole, I think he is the easiest person to be around.
Phew! Ok, now that the pleasant history lesson is out of the way and you've got more context than you can handle, let me say a few things about what's been bugging me off late. Recently, one of the people in the list above gave me a wake-up call (metaphorically speaking). He/she(won't say which) was very upset, and said some things that I had known all along but didn't want to admit - about how some people in the group have been treating the others. These days, I feel like I'm stuck in a badly made Hollywood teen movie (which is all of them, save the one teen movie that I like). And, because I express myself best in bullet points, I'm going to do just that.
The Problem:
- Our "group" is too big. We've been going out so often these days. Each time, we call everyone (and I mean EVERYONE), and when they're unable to show up, we scorn them. That doesn't seem fair to me.
- When everyone does show, half of them feel ignored and out of place. The conversations, the quips, they're all about the people who see each other 24/7, and I think you know who I mean. And here's the bit that really gets on my nerves - they're CONSTANTLY whispering to each other and giggling. I mean, come on guys! I thought we left school about 10 years back (some of us more). If it's a conversation you want to have with just that one other person, go have it somewhere else. Don't call everyone for a get-together and then talk among yourselves.
- The plans we make also revolve only around a few people - Girlfriend (and to some extent, her new Boyfriend), this is mostly on you. Especially when the whole group isn't meeting, when it's just "us", I find that each person (including me) has to change his/her plans to accommodate yours. I don't think this is fair. You've changed over the years. At first I thought you didn't realize it. I still think you don't realize it most of the time, and that annoys me more. I used to defend you. But recently, I've stopped. I can say that how you've been treating me off late, is a huge part of the reason why. I feel like an idiot when I'm always covering for you, while every single time I meet you and your New Boyfriend, you guys try to find new ways to annoy me. You know that I'm moody and take things to heart sometimes (not all of us can joke all the time), but do you really want to see me upset that badly? Have you no other mode of entertainment? When the two of you gang up on me, it's like giving a naughty kid a bunch of ants and a magnifying glass. I'm 25 years old and I feel like I'm back in 3rd standard. Ok, so that sounded dramatic :) But I had to say it. Anyway, back to the point about plans. Try to be more accommodating of others, and if you don't want to, then don't invite everyone.
