It's 4:30 am. I'm up on the terrace of my parent's place and I'm thinking about life, the universe and everything in general. I begin to ask myself the questions that usually pop into my mind at times like these (I'm sure I'm not the only one who get's all philosophical after midnight).
"What am I doing?"
"What would I rather be doing at this very moment?"
"Who do I want to be?" (as usual, I've caught myself before I add "..when I grow up" to the end of that question.)
While the answers to the first two questions come to me almost immediately, it's always the answer to the third one that eludes me.
The reason being that I'm a very immediate type of person. I'm highly attuned to my own emotions at most times. That is not to say that I don't mull over ice cream flavors or shampoo brands, but if someone were to ask me about what I want at that exact moment, it won't take me too long to answer.
But to look inward and find the motivation to look past the present is something I always have to put a tremendous amount of effort into. For me, the temptations of the present seem much harder to resist than it is for others. To say I lack will power is an understatement, and I always end up doing what I want with little regard for what I might need.
My mind usually jumps to answering the question, "What would you like to change about yourself", rather than first answering the much harder question of who I want to be.
Because of the way I am, I often tend to corner myself into doing difficult tasks or making hard decisions. Procrastination is an art form that I have mastered. Never have I studied for an exam before the 11th hour, or started on a project at work before I absolutely had to. Because of this, I set extremely high targets, and usually over commit to people, thereby strong-arming myself into doing good where I could have done great.
Occasionally, I tell myself that I am sick of answering only those questions that I know the answers to, so I go up to the terrace, have a smoke, and make grand plans to change my approach to life, only to fall asleep at 5:30 am and wake up at noon having missed half the day.
If our lives were programs that we write and execute for ourselves, I'm still trying to solve life's complex problems by coding in BASIC while everyone else has moved on to Java. In love and in life, I seem to be doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
"What am I doing?"
"What would I rather be doing at this very moment?"
"Who do I want to be?" (as usual, I've caught myself before I add "..when I grow up" to the end of that question.)
While the answers to the first two questions come to me almost immediately, it's always the answer to the third one that eludes me.
The reason being that I'm a very immediate type of person. I'm highly attuned to my own emotions at most times. That is not to say that I don't mull over ice cream flavors or shampoo brands, but if someone were to ask me about what I want at that exact moment, it won't take me too long to answer.
But to look inward and find the motivation to look past the present is something I always have to put a tremendous amount of effort into. For me, the temptations of the present seem much harder to resist than it is for others. To say I lack will power is an understatement, and I always end up doing what I want with little regard for what I might need.
My mind usually jumps to answering the question, "What would you like to change about yourself", rather than first answering the much harder question of who I want to be.
Because of the way I am, I often tend to corner myself into doing difficult tasks or making hard decisions. Procrastination is an art form that I have mastered. Never have I studied for an exam before the 11th hour, or started on a project at work before I absolutely had to. Because of this, I set extremely high targets, and usually over commit to people, thereby strong-arming myself into doing good where I could have done great.
Occasionally, I tell myself that I am sick of answering only those questions that I know the answers to, so I go up to the terrace, have a smoke, and make grand plans to change my approach to life, only to fall asleep at 5:30 am and wake up at noon having missed half the day.
If our lives were programs that we write and execute for ourselves, I'm still trying to solve life's complex problems by coding in BASIC while everyone else has moved on to Java. In love and in life, I seem to be doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
